Coming to Grips
by Calliope6
Summary: Sometimes when you go to far it can feel as though it would have be easier to end it all, than to have to face yourself afterwards. (continuation of “In Spite of it All”) (sasunaru/shounen ai)


Coming To Grips -a Naruto fan fiction by Calliope-  
  
Message: This is the fallow up story to my first one, "In Spite of it All", I hope it does justice to the beginning. Feel free to review it afterwards, I'd really love it.  
  
Summery: Sometimes when you go to far it can feel as though it would have be easier to end it all, than to have to face yourself afterwards. (continuation of "In Spite of it All")  
  
Warning: sasunaru *shounen-ai*  
  
He didn't want to face them. To hear their questions and have to answer them. This wasn't something so easily explained away. He almost wished he could just fall back to sleep and never wake up. But Naruto was up, awake, moving around his house, making noises and humming to himself.  
  
"Sasuke?" Naruto questioned, half whispering, when he noticed that Sasuke was awake. But rather than respond to him, Sasuke rolled over on the hard linoleum floor and covered his head in his soft, warm blankets.  
  
"Come on Sasuke." He heard Naruto's far too good-morning voice call to him. "You have to get up eventually."  
  
"Why?" Sasuke inquired bitterly.  
  
"Because I said so that's why." He assured him matter-of-factly.  
  
Sasuke just groaned helplessly and pulled his blankets tighter around himself. He felt a heavy weight come down on his body and he knew it was Naruto, who began to poke him incessantly.  
  
"Fuck off." Sasuke groaned, that twinge of guilt and sense of shame still nagging at his chest.  
  
"Fine then." Naruto sighed, unnecessarily heavily, "Be that way."  
  
With a deep breath Sasuke rolled over on his back, Naruto still straddling his waist, and pushed his blankets down heavily. Naruto was looking down at him intently, a childish little smirk across his face. Sasuke squinted from the bright light streaming in his window, and moved his hand to shade his eyes.  
  
"Good afternoon." Naruto smiled at him.  
  
"You're kidding." Sasuke groaned.  
  
"Nope, you've already missed breakfast and lunch."  
  
"Tragic." Sasuke sighed passively, letting his hand rest on the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes again. He felt Naruto lay his head down on his chest, his soft blond hair tickling his bare skin.  
  
"Are you feeling ok?" Naruto asked him tentatively. Sasuke just shrugged. He put his arms down, and reached a hand out to stroke the back of Naruto's head, his hair was warm and almost comforting under his finger as painful flashes of the night before invaded his brain.  
  
He wasn't ok. He was anything but ok. What if Naruto hadn't shown up when he did? What would he have done?  
  
There was a tenseness in his chest at the very thought of it. He tried to strike the images from his mind but they wouldn't go away. What if? What if? He just kept asking himself over and over. He sighed heavily, that guilty feeling still plaguing him as he felt Naruto's warm breath against his skin.  
  
What ever it was that had come so suddenly between them, neither of them seemed to have the nerve to say.  
  
After all, what could he say to someone whom he could very well own his continued existence?  
  
He wondered what Naruto was thinking about.  
  
"Well," Naruto finally said, breaking the silence as he sat back up, "I suppose we've got to go get you a hair cut."  
  
Sasuke's heart seized inside his chest, and he sighed again, closing his eyes; he'd forgotten all about that, and he was sick at the though of seeing himself.  
  
Naruto offered him a hand up, and he was suddenly aware of the fact that he still had his shoes on from last night, as well as his shorts. He kicked them off and stripped down to his boxers, standing there, he put a hand to his head and felt his irregularly short hair.  
  
"It's ok." Naruto smiled at him weakly, "Go see for yourself." He nodded, and motioned to the bathroom.  
  
Sasuke's feet felt like led as he slowly and unwillingly walked to the bathroom, horribly afraid of what he was going to see.  
  
It felt like an hour, that he stood there staring down at the sink, unable to look up at himself in the mirror. But eventually he had to.  
  
He couldn't breath. He just looked, disbelieving, at his reflection staring back at him. To Sasuke he might as well have been looking at someone completely different, because to him it wasn't himself. Cuts and scratches all over his pale skin, his right ear covered with dried blood, and a fairly substantial gouge spanning diagonally across the width of his forehead just above his eyes. Eyes which his hair wasn't obscuring.  
  
Normally his bangs would have hung down to his chin, falling in his face without his headband to hold them back. But they didn't anymore. He'd cut them all off. He could see the ends of his bangs spiking out just above his eyes. All over his head he'd cut it off, hacking it away with his kunai. It was hardly longer than Naruto's now, sticking out around his face in uneven lengths.  
  
He grabbed hold of the sink, shutting his eyes tight, as he felt himself choking on his impending tears.  
  
All at once he smashed his fist against the mirror in frustration, sending cracks spidering out from around his fist. Tiny shards broke off and fell into the sink, clinking softly against the white ceramic, and disappearing down the drain.  
  
Out in the living room Naruto cringed, his hands covering his mouth. The sounds of Sasuke's repressed and muffled sobs crushing his heart.  
  
Slowly he grabbed the slightly open door and pushed it back, peering in hesitantly. He saw Sasuke sitting on the floor beside the tub crying into his knees. He walked in lightly and knelt down beside his distraught friend. Sasuke never even looked up at him as he reached out and Naruto pulled him close to him, letting him cry into his shoulder.  
  
"It's not so bad as all that." Naruto told him softly.  
  
"It's, it's not my hair." Sasuke tried to explain staggeredly, "It's everything!"  
  
Naruto wasn't sure exactly what to say to this, he couldn't even being to fathom the things that were eating away at him.  
  
"What's everyone going to say now?" Sasuke asked, half yelling, "I'm supposed to Sasuke Uchiha. I don't get scared, or tiered, or feel anything!"  
  
"That's bullshit!" Naruto snapped at him, pulling him back so he could look him in the eyes. "Who the hell went and made you some invincible god?!"  
  
"But,"  
  
"Don't give me that shit Sasuke!" Naruto began, a stern expression on his face. "You can't do everything! And nobody's going to make you! So what if you're not perfect. Being Sasuke Uchiha doesn't mean you have to. Your name doesn't give you an obligation."  
  
Sasuke stopped crying and looked up into Naruto's cold blue eyes. Aggravation didn't suit him well. Here was Sasuke, supposedly the strong and level headed one, and Naruto was the one talking HIM down.  
  
"I'm, sorry Naruto," Sasuke shook his head, that guilty feeling gripping him just as tightly as Naruto, "I'm sorry."  
  
"I said, no worries." Naruto smiled, that childish light coming back to his face. He pulled Sasuke back to him again and hugged him tight. Sasuke sighed and wrapped his arms around him too, wondering how it the world they'd ever gotten to this.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Naruto had eventually coaxed Sasuke out of the house and took him to get his hair fixed, which went more or less without incident. Naruto had said he'd been the one doing to cutting and that he'd just done an exceptionally bad job. The barber had just laughed and asked with what in the world he had cut it.  
  
The entire time afterwards as they wandered the side streets Naruto kept telling him how great he looked. (which goes without saying on accounts of he's still Sasuke and super uber hot! ^__^) But Sasuke remained more or less quiet as they wandered, his hands deep in his pockets, and a sullen, passive, expression on his normally foreboding face.  
  
As evening approached Naruto even offered to pay if Sasuke would go out for Ramen with him. He agreed, even smiling a little at the exuberance in Naruto's demeanor. But no sooner had they sat down to eat, when Sakura and Ino showed up.  
  
"Evening Naruto!" Ino beamed as they walked up, "Hi Sas. Oh my god! Sasuke! What did you do to your hair!" She gasped rushing over to him. Naruto reached over to him and squeezed his arm as he saw Sasuke's shoulders tense up.  
  
"Nothing." Sasuke said coldly, as Ino poked at his short, dark, spikes. Sakura was glancing over at him but she turned her head quickly away when she realised he was looking at her.  
  
It took a moment before Naruto remembered what had happened between Sasuke and Sakura just the other night. And he suddenly became very, uncomfortably, aware of what had happened between Sasuke and himself.  
  
"Ow, what happened to your face Sasuke?" Ino continued to rant, taking his chin in her hand and examining his multiple tiny cuts. He was suddenly grateful that he had decided to put on his forehead protector after all, covering up the worst of the gashes.  
  
"Shut up Ino! Why don't you just leave him alone!" Naruto shouted at her angrily, startling both her and Sasuke. Sasuke looked up at him, eyes begging Naruto to save him.  
  
"Come on Sasuke, I'm not hungry anymore." Naruto declared, grabbing his hand and pulling him away from Ino.  
  
"Naruto! You're always such a jerk!" Ino yelled back at him, stomping her foot on the ground.  
  
Sasuke stop dead, Naruto loosing grip on his hand and stumbling forward as Sasuke turned back at her, a painfully bitter look across his face.  
  
"Don't you EVER say that to him again." Sasuke warned her, his dark eyes piercing her and leaving her at a loss for words.  
  
"But, but," Ino strained to retaliate, looking as if she was going to cry.  
  
Sasuke ignored her and walked off, Naruto scrambling to catch up to him.  
  
"What was that all about?" Sakura wondered aloud.  
  
"I, I can't believe he," Ino started again, her pained look turning to a bitter scowl.  
  
"Naruto, just leaving Ramen without eating it?" Sakura continued to question aloud, not paying any attention to the perturbed expression on Ino's face.  
  
"That was so rude!" Ino continued to rant paying equal little attention to Sakura.  
  
And with that the girls were left there, questioning what had just happened.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"I'm sorry about that Sasuke." Naruto laughed nervously when they finally got back to Sasuke's house and had climbed out the window and on to the roof.  
  
"Whatever." Sasuke shrugged, sitting down on the edge and hanging his feet down.  
  
"Sure is nice out." Naruto said, taking a seat next to him. Sasuke didn't respond, he just stared out over the city below them. The street lights were coming on one by one as the light faded from the sky; much the same way as it did from Sasuke's eyes as a resentful expression came over his face.  
  
They sat there for a long time, never speaking, as the stars began to come out in the cloudless sky over head.  
  
"You know Sasuke," Naruto finally spoke, breaking the heavy silence, "they only do those things because they like you."  
  
"Because they like me?!" Sasuke scoffed, half yelled at him. "Last night, Sakura, she told me she hated me BECAUSE she likes me!?"  
  
"Of course she did you idiot!" Naruto yelled back at him. "She loves you more than anything! I should know! But she hates you because you're so cold to her, and you're never nice to her no matter how hard she tries!"  
  
"I am not!" Sasuke defended himself.  
  
"Yes you are! I talked to her just afterwards, crying about how mean you were! She told you, flat out, that she loves you, and you didn't so much as say thank you to her. You don't have to love here back but at least ACKNOWLEDGE her feelings!" Naruto continued to yell at him.  
  
"SHUT UP! IF ANYTHING I DID YOU A FAVOR! MAYBE NOW SHE'LL ACKNOWLEDGE YOURS!"  
  
That did it. Naruto had no way to come back at that. As a matter of fact he was hurt that Sasuke would even say that, after, after everything that had happened.  
  
"Why'd you have to come?" Sasuke questioned, staring up into the sky, his eyes vacant and angry. "Why'd you have to show up! This wouldn't even be happening! I could have just killed myself and never had to deal with any of this!" He screamed.  
  
Sasuke felt a horrible sting in his cheek as Naruto's hand came down across his face.  
  
"OW! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR!" Sasuke shouted at him holding his cheek.  
  
"DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT AGAIN!" Naruto shouted back at him, tears streaming down the sides for his face. "DON'T YOU EVER EVER EVER SAY THAT!"  
  
Naruto got up, leaving Sasuke sitting there alone, dazed and upset. He rubbed his sleeve across his eyes and tried to choke back his tears. They weren't worth wasting on someone who didn't even want to live.  
  
"Naruto wait!" Sasuke yelled at him.  
  
He hesitated before turning back to face him, as Sasuke stood there looking up at him.  
  
"You know what your problem is Sasuke?" Naruto began, his voice wavering, "You don't understand how lucky you are. You feel bad for yourself, but because everyone loves you. Well when you're all alone and nobody cares weather you live or die, THEN you can complain! You don't understand ANYTHING! You're the luckiest guy I know Sasuke and you're willing to just throw it all away because of one lousy mistake! How can you hate yourself for being loved!? If even ONE person in this whole stupid fuckin' city loved me I'd be happy."  
  
"But Naruto,"  
  
"Shut up Sasuke!"  
  
"But Naruto I love you!" Sasuke blurt out.  
  
And everything in Konoha stopped.  
  
"God damn it," Naruto finally stammered breaking the inaudible silence, "you're such an idiot Sasuke."  
  
"Yeah, I know."  
  
Naruto ran back at him and threw his arms around his neck. Sasuke pulled him tight to him, grabbing at the back of Naruto's bright orange jacket.  
  
"Why do you have to be like that." Naruto smiled though his tears, pressing his face to Sasuke's warm shoulder.  
  
"Can't help it I guess."  
  
"Sasuke."  
  
"Yeah Naruto?"  
  
"I love you too."  
  
The End 


End file.
